hey you guys.
another post in english today.
2 reasons. i am seriously struggling to think and write in german and i just thought it would fit the subject better if i would write in english.
almost all my time of my exchange year here is over and i only have 2weeks left. those 10 months that seemed to be so long, almost nothing of all that is left. i recently had my pre- return orientation and it was just terrible. we all didn't really wanted to talk about leaving our lives. reading letters of exchange students that hated coming back home did not really help either. it is just this weird stage we are in right now. we have been living our lives here knowing it would only last for a certain time. knowing we would go home to our real and right lives. i honestly never ever thought that this year would turn out the way it finally did. i just never thought i would love it as much as i do, never thought i would find friends that i would be this close to, i just never thought i would really get attached to everything. i was not prepared to feel like this. i thought after my year was over i would be looking forward to going back home to germany.
but this is my home too. this is my life. it became as important to me.
i don't think anybody in germany can really understand this. not even every excahnge student can. there are many who are counting the days down until their flight back home. not me.
i don't want to offend anybody. i definitley miss home. i miss my family and my friends. i can't wait to finally hug my parents again, eat real bread , ride a public bus again, speak my native language and go to a school where i actually have to study. it is not like i am not looking forward to all these things but i don't want to leave this too.
thinking about reintegrating into germanys traditions and society seems so hard right now.
i changed a lot. i see things in a different way now, i have different prioities and values and i just judge everything in a different way. some of those things do not fit into my german life.
when i go back i feel like i have to start over again. i might speak the language, kind of at least, but everything is going to be kind of new. you would think after arranging yourself into a whole new country and culture that it would not be a problem whatsoever but i am not quite sure about that.
i am really scared of it and i dont feel ready to leave this life, that i will never ever get back to again, to leave it behind.
i am enjoying my last few days here as much as i can. trying to do as many things with my friends as i can and not think of it as an goodbye but more of an see ya later.
maybe some of you can feel me, others maybe not but that is okay.
see you soon!
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